Minority Citizen’s Log, Day 42 – It’s Official

President Barry gave his final national security speech, announcing that he’s downsizing Guantanamo Bay and transferring out as many detainees as possible before the Führer-elect takes office.  He also granted clemency to 231 people serving long sentences for non-violent drug crimes.

After yesterday’s vote, it is official.  Donald Trump has won the electoral vote and will become the next President of the United States.  It wasn’t a simple vote, however, as aside from Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, electoral votes were also cast for Bernie Sanders, John Kasich, Ron Paul, Colin Powell, and Faith Spotted Eagle… because the Electoral College somehow makes sense.

Not even a Joe Biden meme could save this moment from this ass-backwards institution, but we can try.  We’ll miss you, Joe.

d4d

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Minority Citizen’s Log, Day 41

Our “Ugly Sweater” Christmas party was held this weekend.  Despite it being mid-December, the party was held in 85° F weather.  With the new regime’s blatant denial of climate change, science, and what 2+2 equals, early forecasts for this time next year are saying it will be 120° F with a 70% chance of scorched earth.

Today the Electoral College officially votes for our next President… because 240 years later, the EC is still a thing.  They are our last hope to prevent an Harambe’s discarded love child from becoming our President, but that hope is slim.  Very, very slim.

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Minority Citizen’s Log, Day 38

President Barry held his final press conference today.  The end is near and it feels all too real.  It might be time to start drinking again.  Yes, I think it is. 11.5 hours is too long to go sober in these hard times.

In other news, an oil pipeline nearby the Dakota pipeline protests spilled 175,000 gallons of crude oil into the water.  I guess the natives knew what they were fighting for… and I’m glad I’m drinking vodka right now instead of water.

Source: http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/12/pipeline-spills-176000-gallons-of-crude-into-creek-about-150-miles-from-dakota-access-protest-camp.html

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Minority Citizen’s Log, Day 37

Tacos for lunch!  Before all things Mexican are deported.  Wait, what do you mean food doesn’t count?  Only people?  Are you sure?  I don’t care, I’m not chancing it.  Tacos for lunch!

No Washington DC public school marching band will perform at the Presidential inauguration.  None applied.  Zero.  President-elect Biff has not yet tweeted about the situation, but a response is expected soon.  After the initial slut-shaming of public schools and your favorite history teacher, all districts will be sued for their lunch money, and band class will be outsourced to China.

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Minority Citizen’s Log, Day 36

Führer-elect Trump has demanded the names of all individuals in the US Energy Department who worked on climate change.  President Barry has refused to give these names, but with his time in office coming to an end, few believe this will be the end of this chapter.  The resistance is currently scrambling to find shelter for all of these individuals before Orange Hitler is able to round them up.

Kanye West and The Donald were spotted taking pictures together at Trump Tower yesterday.  For the first time in his life, Kanye had nothing to say.  My initial guess would’ve been that he’s the front-runner to become Secretary of Bullshit, but the new administration has promised to merge that title with that of President.  One thing is for certain, though: Kanye has been assimilated.  The resistance feels no loss.

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