President Barry gave his final national security speech, announcing that he’s downsizing Guantanamo Bay and transferring out as many detainees as possible before the Führer-elect takes office. He also granted clemency to 231 people serving long sentences for non-violent drug crimes.
After yesterday’s vote, it is official. Donald Trump has won the electoral vote and will become the next President of the United States. It wasn’t a simple vote, however, as aside from Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, electoral votes were also cast for Bernie Sanders, John Kasich, Ron Paul, Colin Powell, and Faith Spotted Eagle… because the Electoral College somehow makes sense.
Not even a Joe Biden meme could save this moment from this ass-backwards institution, but we can try. We’ll miss you, Joe.
