Minority Citizen

In what may have been our final MLK holiday yesterday, our Führer-elect took to Twitter to attack John Lewis.  John Lewis is a Democratic Representative for Georgia, a civil rights activist, and of course, an African American.  Trump attacked him on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday because…. why not.  Seriously, I can’t make this shit up.

In other news, our retard-elect tweeted how great his daughter Ivanka is, but got the wrong Ivanka… BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO HIS OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER IS.  Although I guess when you’ve publicly said, over and over again, that you wanna bang your own daughter, then maybe confusing her with a complete stranger is for the best?  (Ugh… I really just wrote that…  I think I’m gonna go throw up now.)

Führer-elect Trump gave his first press conference today since winning the election.  It ran for almost an hour.  After the first 5 minutes, millions took to Twitter to ask the Führer-elect to get back to tweeting.  I took a Xanax.  I think it was a Xanax.  The bottle said Advil.  Or was it Viagra?  FML.

President Barry presented VP Joe Biden with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, in a surprise send-off.  This wasn’t because Joe wanted, needed, or necessarily deserved it, but the President knew he needed to motivate the VP to keep us fueled with Biden memes for the next 4 years.  Barry’s going on vacay… save us, Joe!

 

President Barry just finished delivering his farewell address.  If that wasn’t sad enough, earlier today, CNN reported that Russia might have compromising evidence against Führer-elect Trump.  Yes, you read that right… Russia has damning, embarrassing evidence on the orange-faced orangutan who flings shit in public and brags about it.  I’d almost wonder what that could possibly be, buuut….

BuzzFeed later released the full 35-page intelligence report that this came from.  Here is a small excerpt from the document:

[Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kenbensinger/these-reports-allege-trump-has-deep-ties-to-russia?utm_term=.byG8WolZ1#.bbwk6NeBz]

So there you have it.  Trump rented out the presidential suite of a Russian hotel and… WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ?!  He had hookers pull an R. Kelly on a bed because the Obama’s previously slept there?!  WT-FLYING-F?!

#10daysleft #omgthisisreallyhappening #biffwillbeourpresident #godimisscocaine

Intelligence reports have confirmed that the hacks during the election were ordered directly from Vladimir Putin, but Führer-elect Trump still refuses to believe his sugar-daddy committed any wrongdoing.

Shortly following these reports, Meryl Streep made a speech against the Führer-elect’s childish actions while she accepted an award at the Golden Globes.  In response, he immediately took to Twitter and proceeded to act like a child.  Top Republican leaders have tried to get Melania to talk him into getting rid of Twitter, but she hasn’t been able to find the right words to get this message across, since it isn’t something Michelle ever had to say to Barack.

The plague rages on, limiting daily log entries, but the resistance continues to power through.

Numerous states are attempting to pass the Tax Returns Uniformly Made Public (T.R.U.M.P.) Act.  The T.R.U.M.P. act would require presidential candidates to publicly release their tax returns prior to the election, otherwise preventing their name from appearing on that state’s ballot.  This would protect American voters in 2020, by preventing them from doing the single stupidest, most retarded thing they’ve ever done in their lives since 2 months ago.