How the F did we get here?
Christmas is nearing, but reality is still depressing. Sometimes, though, little things pop up that give you hope, and this is one of them:
I mean, if they can guard the galaxy, they can guard us, right? At least maybe this can tip off the new regime to put tape over the death button, before Scrooge McTrump accidentally hits it in one of his late-night tweet rages.
Nothing much to report today, other than we’re still here. Christmas is near, so we’re getting to the stage of wrapping this year’s gifts and stashing gifts for the next 4 years in a bomb shelter.
The childish and insecure President-elect continues to tweet lies that he won the popular vote because… well that’s just what he does. I’d say he’s compensating for something, but that’s a question best saved for his numerous wives and undocumented hookers. I wonder if he’ll deport them…
President Barry gave his final national security speech, announcing that he’s downsizing Guantanamo Bay and transferring out as many detainees as possible before the Führer-elect takes office. He also granted clemency to 231 people serving long sentences for non-violent drug crimes.
After yesterday’s vote, it is official. Donald Trump has won the electoral vote and will become the next President of the United States. It wasn’t a simple vote, however, as aside from Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, electoral votes were also cast for Bernie Sanders, John Kasich, Ron Paul, Colin Powell, and Faith Spotted Eagle… because the Electoral College somehow makes sense.
Not even a Joe Biden meme could save this moment from this ass-backwards institution, but we can try. We’ll miss you, Joe.
Our “Ugly Sweater” Christmas party was held this weekend. Despite it being mid-December, the party was held in 85° F weather. With the new regime’s blatant denial of climate change, science, and what 2+2 equals, early forecasts for this time next year are saying it will be 120° F with a 70% chance of scorched earth.
Today the Electoral College officially votes for our next President… because 240 years later, the EC is still a thing. They are our last hope to prevent an Harambe’s discarded love child from becoming our President, but that hope is slim. Very, very slim.
President Barry held his final press conference today. The end is near and it feels all too real. It might be time to start drinking again. Yes, I think it is. 11.5 hours is too long to go sober in these hard times.
In other news, an oil pipeline nearby the Dakota pipeline protests spilled 175,000 gallons of crude oil into the water. I guess the natives knew what they were fighting for… and I’m glad I’m drinking vodka right now instead of water.
